More Than a Lie: The Emotional Roots of Relationship Dishonesty
- Farshid Rashidifar
- 1 day ago
- 2 min read
By Farshid Rashidifar (MSW. RSW. Psychotherapist)
April 12, 2025
Some clients come into therapy not because they’ve been lied to — but because they’ve lied. Not always in obvious, malicious ways. Sometimes in subtle, everyday moments: hiding a purchase, avoiding a topic, stretching the truth to avoid conflict.
Dishonesty in relationships doesn’t always begin with betrayal. It often begins with fear — fear of judgment, fear of disconnection, fear of not being "enough" as we are. But what's underneath that dishonesty is rarely just situational. In my experience, it's often tied to personality traits, self-concept, and learned relational strategies.
One pattern I’ve noticed is that people who value humility, openness, and relational accountability tend to be more transparent with their partners. Not because they’re more "moral," but because they’re more emotionally attuned to how their actions affect trust and safety. They understand — sometimes instinctively, sometimes through deep internal work — that honesty is a form of care.
On the other hand, individuals who prioritize control, self-image, or conflict-avoidance often find themselves telling partial truths, omitting details, or overexplaining. Not because they’re bad people — but because they’ve learned that vulnerability feels like a threat. And dishonesty becomes a way to protect themselves from exposure.
This doesn’t mean people fall into "good" or "bad" relational categories. What it means is that honesty in relationships is often a reflection of emotional self-regulation and interpersonal humility — not just a choice, but a capacity.
Therapy becomes the place where we examine not just what was withheld, but why. What was at risk in telling the truth? What emotional narratives shaped the decision to lie — or avoid, or minimize?
Because honesty isn’t simply about telling the truth. It’s about being able to tolerate the emotional impact of being known.
If this reflection speaks to you and you’re considering a deeper exploration of your own relational patterns, you’re welcome to request a private consultation.
Farshid works with a small number of clients at a time. All inquiries are reviewed personally to ensure the focus and fit of the work are aligned.
Research Note:
This reflection is grounded in clinical practice and informed by psychological research. While specific studies, data, and models are not disclosed, the themes are drawn from contemporary academic literature and reinterpreted through a therapeutic lens.
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