Felt but Not Said: The Quiet Damage of Misread Emotional Needs
- Farshid Rashidifar
- 4 days ago
- 2 min read
Updated: 3 days ago
By Farshid Rashidifar (MSW. RSW. Psychotherapist)
April 9, 2025
Some people feel unsupported in their relationships — even when their partners are trying.
And when I say “unsupported,” I don’t mean neglected. I mean misunderstood. A kind of emotional invisibility that arises when one person believes they’ve made their needs clear… but hasn’t.
In therapy, this is often where the tension lives. One partner says, “I told you I was overwhelmed.” But what they actually said was, “It’s been a long week.” They believe the message was obvious. It wasn’t.
This happens more often than we think — especially during emotionally vulnerable moments. When someone is hurting or insecure, they may amplify the emotional weight of what they’ve said, assuming it was heard as strongly as it was felt. When it isn’t, the silence on the other side can feel like indifference or rejection.
This kind of miscommunication can be particularly painful for individuals who struggle with low self-worth. For them, not being “gotten” isn’t just disappointing — it can feel like confirmation that they’re not important.
The emotional cost of this isn’t just short-term frustration. Over time, this invisible gap — between what’s needed and what’s perceived — erodes trust, intimacy, and emotional safety.
But here’s the good news: this pattern can be reversed.
In therapy, we work to help clients name their needs more directly, and to check in with their partners not with blame, but with curiosity. We also explore the meaning they attach to feeling misunderstood, and what it brings up from earlier experiences of invisibility or rejection.
Because support isn’t just something you give. It’s something you learn how to receive — by learning how to ask for it in a way that can be understood.
If this reflection speaks to you and you’re considering a deeper exploration of your own relational patterns, you’re welcome to request a private consultation.
Farshid works with a small number of clients at a time. All inquiries are reviewed personally to ensure the focus and fit of the work are aligned.
Research Note:
This reflection is grounded in clinical practice and informed by psychological research. While specific studies, data, and models are not disclosed, the themes are drawn from contemporary academic literature and reinterpreted through a therapeutic lens.
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