Romantic Love Is Not Enough
- Farshid Rashidifar
- 6 days ago
- 2 min read
Updated: 4 days ago
By Farshid Rashidifar (MSW. RSW. Psychotherapist)
April 12, 2025
Romantic love is often portrayed as intensity — a sweeping, all-consuming emotional experience. But in therapy, I’ve seen something different. Something deeper. Something quieter.
Love can be about warmth, about consistency. About humor. About co-regulation. It can be about cleaning up after each other without keeping score. It can be about leaving someone space without making them prove anything. It can be about learning to ask, “What do you need?” instead of “Why aren’t you okay?”
What many people call love is sometimes closer to anxiety, fantasy, or idealization. And what people often overlook — the boring, calm, repetitive parts — is where the real relational work often begins.
In sessions, clients struggling in relationships often say things like:
“We don’t feel passionate anymore.”
“I’m not sure if it’s still love — or just routine.”
“I miss the version of us that felt more alive.”
These feelings are valid. But sometimes they reflect an unconscious belief that love is only real when it feels intense. And what we call "routine" might actually be regulation — the nervous system learning safety.
Love isn’t only romantic. It’s practical. It’s choice. It’s patience. It’s repair.
The danger is in expecting one person to meet every emotional need and calling that love — then being surprised when resentment grows. Love becomes healthier when it’s understood as relational capacity, not emotional overwhelm.
Because love is not only about what you feel. It’s about how you stay.
If this reflection speaks to you and you’re considering a deeper exploration of your own relational patterns, you’re welcome to request a private consultation.
Farshid works with a small number of clients at a time. All inquiries are reviewed personally to ensure the focus and fit of the work are aligned.
Research Note:
This reflection is grounded in clinical practice and informed by psychological research. While specific studies, data, and models are not disclosed, the themes are drawn from contemporary academic literature and reinterpreted through a therapeutic lens.
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